Lightning Strikes

In July of this year roughly a month before my seventieth birthday celebration, I had symptoms that were regarded as the stomach flu.  However, the fever did not subside nor did other more severe symptoms.  And then my lungs seemed to be under attack. It was hard to talk without coughing and the capacity of my lungs to breathe was seriously compromised.

I was already under a protocol to address a candida infection in my gastrointestinal tract (GI); however, my condition seemed to be worsening.  A rash appeared on one of my calves and at first, I took this as a positive sign that the candida infection was being moved out of my body by the herbal treatments.

I excitedly took a photo of the rash on my calf and sent it to my naturopathic physician to demonstrate my progress with the treatment.  I was stunned with the response that it looked more like the rash from a tick bite carrying the Lyme’s Disease infection.  I was suggested to immediately get a blood test to determine if it was Lyme’s Disease. When I contacted my primary care physician, she confirmed that the rash was characteristic of Lyme’s Disease and prescribed antibiotics even before the blood test was administrated.  

The results of the blood test showed a negative result for Lyme’s Disease; however, a positive result for anaplasmosis, a rarer and potentially more dangerous tick-borne disease.  I did not have the luxury of denial as my condition was deteriorating daily.

In the contemplative guide to growing older and wiser: Aging as a Spiritual Practice, author Lewis Richmond the power of the onset of a serious illness to spark the reality of our mortality.  He calls this disruption of a subtle sense of immortality and the alternative timeline that postpones death to sometime later, not now.

At first, we go into a resistance of what is occurring with denial and disbelief. Our separate sense of self, the ego is compelled to resist with the cry of don’t give up, never give up.

It’s a very tricky situation, I don’t want to give up in despair and feel the need still hold out hope.  However, sometimes hope is a resistance to what is and thus to the present moment.

Fortunately, I caught the anaplasmosis disease at an early stage and with excellent allopathic and naturopathic remedies the worst symptoms have subsided. And gradually the acceptance of what is at this moment, now, seeps in.  It is not an acceptance of some imagined outcome or a story about why all this happened but simply the acceptance that I am not mortal and that the subtle unraveling of the basic functioning of this amazing human body continues to quietly unravel.  

As I result of the lightening that struck my consciousness during the storm of my illness I can say (borrowing from the words of Richmond Lewis) “Every day is a new lesson, and each day is to be valued and appreciated.” In the past month I have reviewed my advance directives, dusted off my vigil plan for my final hours, and have added a gratitude exercise each morning and evening to connect with the awe and mystery of being alive in this amazing human body for another day. And thus, this contemplation of my mortality is life affirming in the most profound sense.